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September 26 The Past WeekI realize it has been a while since I last wrote. Sorry about that. Things have been busy and I have been lazy. School is difficult right now. We have a first grader (not the same kid I mentioned a couple of weeks ago) who is having a very difficult time being in school. We are having a hard time getting things under control on our end. It breaks my heart because I don't know how to help him succeed. I know that he is on the verge of giving up (and he's only six). However, he is a fantastic manipulator and again at the age of six... It makes me sad knowing that without the peace of God, he will never settle down and learn. He is so fearful and gets easily upset. I just wish I could take him home with me and show him the love of God. I don't know if he gets that at home. I have had jury duty the past two days so I have not been at school, and while this has actually been a much needed break, it will be a rough day tomorrow because I know that things did not go well yesterday and there are things I have to deal with immediately. That is, of course, not including whatever happened today. The nice thing is that both days I got to sleep in a little and since I didn't have to report to the courthouse until early afternoon, I got to get a lot of work done. I worked on two reports that I just don't have time to do at school. I did laundry and cleaned up a bit. I got to exercise at the Y. It has been rather relaxing and while I think that jury duty in and of itself (since I wasn't chosen to be on an actual jury) a waste of time, it has been nice to get things done that I have been too lazy or too tired to do during the week. Lately, I have found that I am so very short tempered about things at work. I have little patience when it comes to dealing with behavior. Friday, I found my students asking what they had done when I fussed at them to get ready to leave...I had to admit they hadn't done anything and were doing what I had told them to do. (The actual reason was that they were talking, except I hadn't told them not to talk.) This is just one example of how my attitude has been off this past week and I am praying that this will change because I hate being like that. Not just because it makes me feel bad, but it makes my students feel bad, and it is sin. There is no reason for me to act like that if I am "Doing all things as unto the Lord". If I am "dying to myself", then this would not occur. I just pray that tomorrow will be different than last week. That tomorrow I will die to myself. That tomorrow I will do all things as unto the Lord. That tomorrow I will have patience. That tomorrow I will use my time wisely. That tomorrow problems will be solved and love given. That tomorrow the Love and Peace of Christ will be demonstrated in all that I do and say. September 15 Take Up My Cross"If we are not willing to wake up in the morning and die to ourselves, perhaps we should ask ourselves if we are really following Jesus." -Don Miller, Blue Like Jazz
This is the quote that I have hanging in my house: on my bathroom mirror, on the refrigerator, and in my office at school. It is a reminder to me to "Take up my cross daily, and follow Christ." I have found that this is not an easy task. Take today for example.
Today, I forgot to die to myself. I lost my patience and lost the battle.
"Thank you for your patience because I just didn't have any," I said to a coworker after she took care of a student for me.
"Why not?" said the mentally disabled fifth grader in my room.
"Because I forgot," I said.
{GASP} My fifth grader was appalled at the thought and I was convicted.
We then had to explain that adults sometimes forget to have patience. I wanted to tell her it was because I forgot to die to myself. Because I decided to do and act as I pleased instead of allowing God to act through me. Since I am at a public school and have no idea where her beliefs are, I left it at forgetting to have patience and needing to try better next time.
Today was a reminder that I can do nothing without Christ. It was a reminder of what happens when I choose to live for myself rather than to allow God to live in me. Not that today was horrible, but it would have been better if I had died to myself. I would have made a bigger difference in the life of that child. I would have been better equipped to handle the situation I found myself in.
Tomorrow is another day to show God's grace to my students and so I pray that the students will see my love for them and God's love for them rather than my impatience and intollerance of their behavior. I pray that tomorrow God will live in me and that I would die to myself. That what the children will see is Christ, rather than me. May God be gracious and give me wisdom in this situation. Amen. September 13 Wednesday ExcitementI have had a wonderful day
 This fact is largely because my six year old (the one who hits and kicks) had a fantastic day. He had a substitue in his classroom today so we were all ready for him to have a bad day and besides...he has yet to actually have a good day (since beginning school). The only time today that he had trouble was in Spanish (and he hates spanish class). Even so, he didn't hit or kick anyone today which is a major, major improvement.Also, since it was raining today, I was concerned about getting all of my students and walking them back and forth for my classes. I am quite happy to report things went very smoothly and we had really good classes today. I am very happy that things went well. Just thought I would let you know and thank the Lord for His small blessings. Amen. September 08 TGIFI am so glad it's Friday. While that means one less day to do work that needs done, it also means two days away from the students and after the day I had yesterday...
I had a parent upset about a note I sent home...until she found out I sent it home. I called her and she was very nice about it. It wasn't a bad note, but I had asked the student to mention something else to Mom and she was already in a bad mood the day she got it and was offended that I had mentioned it. We talked about how I just wanted to make sure that her children were taken care of at school and knew that she was doing a good job at home. Everything was fine and it was a great conversation, but you know...
Then my little six year old kindergartener who has anger issues and some oppositional defiance...was having a horrible day yesterday and ending up in my office throwing things across the room. I had to take him to the principal because of the disruption to my students as well as the rest of the building (he was screaming at the top of his lungs). Then when the principal brought him back to his class at the end of the day...he started throwing rocks while they were going outside to get picked up. So the teacher brought him back into the building and I sat with him until his dad came to pick him up. This would not have been a problem, except he continued to throw and kick things. He kicked me once and ended up hitting me at which point I called the principal again. And he waited with me until Dad got there.
I hate to say it's not the first time I've been hit by a student, it's actually the second and frankly it didn't hurt at all. It was just surprising. The problem is: I don't know what else I could have done or how I could have prevented it and that really bothers me. I have taken numerous workshops of behavior and how to help children control their behavior and what to do in situations like that and I know this kid needs help. I just don't know how to help him. He is repeating kindergarten and it seems like he as regressed since last year. He was doing so well and that bothers me because my job is to help him and teach him and I don't feel like I am being successful at either of those.
Lord, give me wisdom in this situation. Let me know how to help this little guy. Let me know how to approach this situation and what to do. Help me show him the love of the Father with every word I speak and every action I take. Amen. September 07 Home in BedI don't know what all to say today. My brain is in a fog. Have you ever felt that way?
I got a cold this weekend...which was really annoying as it was a holiday weekend and we didn't have school on Monday. Although, that turned out nice because I could take cold medicine, sleep, lounge on the couch, and not leave my house. I really think it helped me in the end.
I have been taking cold medicine at night because I hate going to bed and not being able to breath. The problem is: I wake up drowsy in the morning. I took a new medicine last night. So I took it at 7:30 because I thought I would have enough time to sleep it off. I went to bed at 9:30 (which is early for me), and I still didn't feel very tired from it...however, I feel groggy this morning...and I know it is the medicine.
Hopefully, tonight I will feel well enough to not take anything, because I hate feeling this way and it really messes with me teaching.
Yesterday, I was blowing my nose and maybe coughing and one of my students told me that I "should have just stayed home in bed." It was so cute.
Well, sorry for the boring update, but felt it was time to write. My school year has been busy. My schedule is not working and I have to reschedule some kids. It makes things difficult when that happens. I still have new kids to add as well and I am having trouble getting records. So it is definately annoying. Well, I have to go teach. I am sure that today will be a good day with my students, and hopefully, I will get a lot of work done. We shall see. I'll try to update again later. |
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