I received the note on Saturday.  On one side was quoted Isaiah 58:11.   On the other, it simply said: This morning I prayed from Isaiah 43:1 for you.  Love in Christ.  As I looked at the sender, I realized this note was from a missionary that I receive updates from.  Here I was supposed to be praying for her and she prayed for me.

How did she know?  How did she know that the morning she sent the letter (Thursday) work had become difficult?  How did she know the situation was too big for me to handle?  How did she know that the flood waters had risen?  How did she know that the tears had flowed?  How did she know that I needed that prayer?  She didn't.  God did.

Today I saw the answer to her prayers and mine.  I have indeed passed through the waters and He was with me.  They did not sweep over me.  They did not drown me.  Remind me of that in the future when the days ahead are rough.  As I know they will be.

There was a situation at work last week involving one of my students.  In our haste to do things the correct way, we lost sight of what was "best".  Upon realizing that no one was happy and that nothing had been accomplished, I got blamed for it.  While God gave me wisdom, discernment, and the words to say, it was still hard and caused a lot of heartache for me.  Not because I was in the wrong, but because things could have been better if we all had acted differently.

Today we had a follow-up meeting to last week's meetings.  With eleven people in the meeting (school, parents, and outside agency), it promised to be a difficult one.  The action we were going to propose, while in the best interest of the student and all the other students, was more extreme than we had tried in the past and resistance on their (parents/outside agency) part was expected.  So, for the past ten days, I have been praying for this situation and in particular this meeting.  I have been praying that God would be in control, that He would give wisdom and strength to all involved, that He would give the words to speak, and that He would solve the problem.  Amazingly He did...

We (the school) had developed a solution/proposal about what action needed to take place.  Unbeknown to us, the outside agency involved with the child had done the same.  When we arrived at the meeting, the outside agency handed us a list of what their findings and recommendations were.  The recommendations were the exact same proposals that we wanted to put into place.  Everything fell together beautifully.  There were still a few difficult moments when the wrong thing was said, but everyone handled the situation wonderfully and the things that needed said were said.  Things will be different.  Things will be better.  Of this I am sure.  God is in control. This solution may mean more work for me, but help is promised.  It makes me wonder what is ahead, but I know that my God is faithful and He will provide.

The best thing for me about this meeting was that the owner of the outside agency made a point of saying that she was glad that I was still working with the child...that I was the key to the school team...and that I always stepped up to the plate and did whatever was necessary to help the child.  I have only met this woman a couple of times, but it was really wonderful to hear that my efforts with this student are not in vain.  There are days that I certainly feel that they are.  There are days when I want to give up and quit.  There are days that are extremely difficult because of this child's disabilities, but I know that those are the days that God is my strength.  Those are the days that God is my fortress.  Those are the days that God is my refuge.  And today He allowed me to see that He is not the only one who notices.  I know that without the love, peace, and patience of God, I would not be the person they see.  He is my all in all.

On the way to school Friday morning, I cried.

I cried because of the situation.
I cried because of the people affected.
I cried because I didn't know what to do about it.
I cried because I knew how others felt.
I cried because the student is caught in the middle.
I cried because it isn't his fault...not really.  His birth parents were the ones messed up and now this little boy is reaping the consequences.
I cried because I am probably the only one to see it that way.
I cried because I can see the progress made...and the progress lost.
I cried because despite all of this GOD IS GOOD.

And in the midst of my struggle, God met me there.  I know, as clear as day, that God spoke to me.  In my brokenness, in my weakness, God reached down and allowed me to glimpse His heart.  "This is how I feel when one of my children turns away from me.  This is what I see.  I see the person he/she should be and I see who he/she chooses to become.  This, my beloved, is how I feel when you choose to disobey me."

I have poured out my life for this little boy and now because of a choice he made things will be different.  This is no longer the best place for him.  I have not succeeded in solving all of his problems.  They are too big.  I am not fully equipped to handle him.  I can only hope that I have helped to make a difference in his life.   I can only pray that a solution will be found and that this little boy will get the help that he needs.  I know that God is big enough to handle anything and everything that may happen and my only choice now, is to leave this child in His hands, for His hands are big enough to hold him.  His arms are wide enough to love him and protect him and care for him.  Even if I cannot, at least in the way I want to.

So, I got a new exercise video this week.  I have now used it for three days in a row and while I really like it...I am sore.  I woke up sore this morning from the workout I did last night.  Funny, but the workout was fun yesterday.  Today, I skipped the section that I knew caused the problem and did the other three parts...

So now, in addition to my gluts and thighs hurting, my arms and shoulders hurt as well.  This basically means that most of my body is sore. 

Did I mention that each part is only 10 minutes?  How in the world can you get this sore from 10 minutes of exercise? (Ok, I did 3 parts = 30 minutes for three nights in a row...but still? 30 minutes?)

I think maybe I will just walk on the track or treadmill tomorrow.  I am not doing the video again tomorrow unless I am NOT sore tomorrow.

Now...if it would just translate to pounds lost...I'd be good to go. 

I realize (as I sit wide awake at 3:00 in the morning) that I love being awake in the middle of the night.  It is quiet.  It is dark. No one else is up, or at least it feels that way.  I know that in two hours when it is time to begin my day, I will not feel this way, but for now, I bask in the solitude.

You'd think that since I live alone, I would get enough solitude without having to be awake at 3:00 in the morning. But there is something special about the middle of the night.  I don't know what it is, but the whole world seems different: peaceful somehow.  Like no matter what happens in the daytime, it's suddenly alright.  God is here and there will be peace.

Not that I don't have these feelings during the day...I do. Quite often.  However, it is so nice to sit in the dark with a cup of tea and a worship CD playing softly in the background.  It's these middle of the night sessions when I can cry out to God.  Sometimes in desperation. Sometimes in despair.  Sometimes in thankfulness.  Sometimes in love.  Tonight is definitely the latter.

Thank you Lord for the peaceful quiet.  Thank you for waking me up to spend time with You.  Thank you for allowing me to have this time.  Thank you for the solitude.  Thank you for showing me your peace and love.  Thank you for sustaining me in Your presence.  Thank you for providing a new day of Grace and Mercy.  Thank you for Your unfailing love.  Thank you for the strength to make it through another day in this increasingly dark world.  The dark is not always the enemy I see...there is peace in the midst of that darkness.  Thank you for Your light. Amen.

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It is good to praise the LORD and make music to your name, O Most High to proclaim your love in the morning and your faithfulness at night, to the music of the ten-stringed lyre and the melody of the harp. For you make me glad by your deeds, O LORD; I sing for joy at the works of your hands. How great are your works, O LORD, how profound your thoughts! The senseless man does not know, fools do not understand, that though the wicked spring up like grass    and all evildoers flourish, they will be forever destroyed. But you, O LORD, are exalted forever. For surely your enemies, O LORD, surely your enemies will perish; all evildoers will be scattered. You have exalted my horn like that of a wild ox; fine oils have been poured upon me. My eyes have seen the defeat of my adversaries; my ears have heard the rout of my wicked foes. The righteous will flourish like a palm tree, they will grow like a cedar of Lebanon; planted in the house of the LORD, they will flourish in the courts of our God. They will still bear fruit in old age, they will stay fresh and green, proclaiming, "The LORD is upright; he is my Rock, and there is no wickedness in him."