I am ready. I want to go.
I want to know. I want to find:
The truth, the place, the time.
The when, the where, the why.

I am feeling unsettled about the future...about the plans that God has for me...about what I am to do this summer in particular. I came home from Urbana perfectly fine with the idea that I may not be going anywhere this summer...that it may be awhile before my next trip. I still wanted to know what I was going to do this summer, but was not really anxious about it at all...in fact I was rather content. However, after a phone call last week, I have come to the uneasy conclusion that I really want to go away this summer. I have been searching different opportunities on-line this past week. I have found numerous opportunities and decided that if I knew the where I would be good to go. Don't get me wrong, I still feel completely comfortable with the idea of staying here, but I desire to go elsewhere. I desire to go on another mission trip: overseas if possible. The problem is: of the dozen's of opportunities I have looked at
none of them seem to jump off the page. A couple of them, I know aren't for me or at least not right now: which is funny since some of them look designer made for me. Then there are others that stir my heart for the pictures I see or the opportunity, but still don't give me that heart tug I am used to feeling when I know the decision is right.

I guess the only thing to do is pray and wait. It is in the waiting that we are able to trust the One who holds our future in His hands and there under the shadow of His wings find rest complete...but it is so hard when you long for so much more. God, grant me the patience to learn to trust you in the waiting. To know that Your ways are higher than my ways. That my plans will crumble and fall but that the plans of the Living God will stand fast. I know that what you have planned for me is better than anything I could plan myself and that you will present the trip or opportunity that you want me to have at just the right time. Help me to rest in knowing that you are ultimately in control. Amen.

I love snow days!! Especially when I am still sick and should probably have stayed home anyway. I have my voice back...maybe. At least it sounds better than yesterday. Not much better, but better. At least sound comes out when I open my mouth, most of the time. I would suspect this to have gotten better during the day if I had gone to school. Really glad I didn't have to go though.

Too bad there isn't really snow though. It would have been nice. Apparently the "wintery mix" we have gotten this morning made driving difficult. And with two of the local counties already being out for teacher workdays, I guess we felt it best just to stay home. Not that I'm complaining. I needed the rest (as did my voice) and besides maybe I can catch up on the MOUNTAIN of reading I brought back from Christmas.

Well, hope you all have a nice day. I know I will.

Why is it that when you want a day off, you can't have one, but when you don't need a day off, you get one?

Last week, my car had trouble and I missed a day of work because I couldn't get there.  That was nice because I spent the day taking down my Christmas decorations and doing dishes, etc.  I really wanted/needed a day.

Today, I am missing school because my sinuses have decided to act up and I can't talk.  I felt great all weekend with only a little bit of sinus stuff going on when I went to bed at night, but nothing I thought was contageous or should keep me home or anything.  Yesterday, I got up and went to work and realized that I was going to loose my voice.  When I got home yesterday, I realized it was almost gone.  I doctored up and hoped that today would be better, but woke up this morning with no voice and a sore throat.

I had called the doctor yesterday, only because I had bronchitis in the fall (and I don't want a repeat), and set up an appointment for Friday morning because I really could not afford to take off this morning.  Well, I am going to call the doctor in a couple of minutes and try to reschedule my appointment for today...if I can talk long enough to do so.  I do not feel much worse than yesterday, but I realized that unlike years past, there are about half of my kids that I cannot teach without my voice.  Some kids can be given work and not need much guidance, but this year, with the kids I have, I can't do it.

So, I am going to stay home and rest.  My voice needs it and it will be nice to get some extra sleep.  I didn't sleep well last night: I slept longer than usual, but woke up three or four times so I feel more tired.  Oh well, now to go call the doctor.

God has been teaching me a lot and it would be difficult to even put into words what all has happened in the past month.  Christmas was difficult because my family situation is difficult.  I am praying for this to change.  It makes it difficult to be at home, especially when I fly home as I am then dependent on others for transportation.

The week after Christmas I went to URBANA: a five day missions conference in St. Louis, MI put on by Intervarsity Christian Fellowship (a college ministry based in the US and Canada with affliates all over the world).  We had over 22,000 delegates from 144 countries all coming together to get closer to God and learn about missions.  It is really an amazing conference.  God changed my heart and focus concerning the direction I am to take in terms of missions in the future.  I didn't get any real clear answers, but I learned a lot and my outlook on life has changed.  I pray that God would continue the work he began that week.

Since being back home, I have been sick and my car had a bad sensor that needed replaced.  So, the new year has not started out very well, but God has continued to be faithful.  Reality Check on Tuesday night turned out to be an amazing time with the Father.  I love going to these meetings because we spend the whole time seeking God and that's just wonderful. 

On another note, my Aunt (on my step-dad's side) died on Thursday from cancer.  While we knew it was going to happen eventually, it was actually rather sudden, so please keep my family in prayer as they deal with this loss. 

I am sorry if my thoughts are rather scattered and vague, but if I went into detail on each thing, you would quit reading long before I got to the end.  I wanted to give an update on everything that has happened the past month, though and not leave anything out.  Hopefully, I'll be able to write more this month, but I am not making any promises.